DASHED AWAY

Dashed Away.

(Try to read this as if I were talking to you.)

 There was a time when, I knew that I had family that loved me. Now I can not say with a 100% assurance that they still do, but in some small way shape or form, they’re still my family. This brings me to air out an issue with somebody who used to be my favorite person in the world. Well………actually second to my grandmother. My aunt.

 It’s been 7 long years, since I’ve been in contact with her, and yet I know nothing of her. No knowledge of health, home, or family. This person, as I mentioned before was put on a pedestal that was higher than my own mother. In short I cared for her more than I did for my own mother. I looked at her as the person who had my best interests in the front of her mind. I trusted everything she said, and never bothered to complain, or question anything. That was a mistake, on my behalf. It still feels like one of those moments were it is said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Unfortunately, when you have a bunch of sneaky women in your family, and you’re basically the only male around for miles, you kind of just have to fall into place with things.

 Now getting back to my aunt, who is the primary focus of the rant. I need to just say a few things, that to this very day, still have me perplexed. Now let’s see, in 2006 my daughter was born, and you and my mother were all happy for me, and were anxious to see her for the first time. Hugs and kisses were exchanged all around, but behind all of the fake smiles and jokes there was a plot brewing. A scheme to move into the apartment where my grandmother and I used to live. I still don’t understand why you didn’t just let me in on what you wanted to do. I had to move out due to the birth of my daughter anyway, and all you needed to do was just pull me to the side, and explain what you had in mind, but instead you plotted, on an apartment that essentially would be empty when your mother died. But you know what, it goes deeper than the apartment, there was something else there. Something I don’t clearly know about, and more or less and mostly likely I will never know. So with that said, I wonder why? Why stab me in the back, when I tried to help you get the same apartment? Why threaten to have my daughter taken away from me, if I ever left the state? Why call me for weeks on end to have me pick up a TV, so that when I come by to get it, you don’t want me to take it? Then further, why bother to put a restraining order against me and don’t have the decency to even show up to court? Who does that? I mean seriously?

 All those questions lead to you and your character. How can someone who I loved and trusted for all of my life just turn their back and betray me like the way you did? What was the sole purpose for all of the bullshit? I sit here, and as I write this, I go over & over & over all of the events that took place, and for the life of me, I still can’t figure it out. Where did I go wrong? I mean how much of a bastard was I to deserve this? From you? First off my daughter never did anything, but make everyone happy, and bring a smile to everybody’s faces. She was the ONE person my grandmother waited to see before she died, and all you could do was threaten to have her taken away from me. Yes I’m reiterating it, because it bothers me that damn much! I’ve basically vowed not to speak with you, or even let you come near my baby girl, and of course you then caught flak from your superiors after the fact. Personally I’m not sorry about that. You messed with the wrong person when it came down to threatening the lively hood of my daughter. There was no reason for what you said to me that day, and the reaction that came behind it was warranted.

 I have moved on so to speak, not forgetting, or really forgiving, after all these years. I don’t think about you much, but recently I’ve come across the inner workings of some struggles, and you seem to be branch of a demented tree that needs to be cut down. So here I am, airing it out. I know that I’m not perfect by any means, but I am still here. My daughter, and son, and spouse still LOVE me. They picked up where you left off. I think it was around the time where you wished me dead, and prayed that, “Someone would find me dead on the side of the road”. OH, and lets not forget the icing on the cake, where you were going to do whatever you could in your power to have my daughter taken away from me, and put my son in a foster home. (Yes still harping on this!!) Well we see how that worked out don’t we? That transfer to a different department worked wonders for you didn’t it?  So look, I’m not looking to get even, or even go as far as to say, “I’m gonna get you back.” I actually don’t care enough anymore. Apparently you were in a place that was clearly corrupted, and just couldn’t find the mental capacity to pull yourself away from the idiocy that kept falling from your mouth. Fine.

 So I’ll be the bigger person here at this junction to say I forgive you. I understand that there was obviously something going on in your life so deep that, it influenced a completely unknown evil to come forth from within you. You were not in control. Plain and simple. You weren’t. The woman who I used to know, would never pull me into court for, “Shits & Giggles”. Nor would she try to take away her nephew’s first born child. In fact all of the above mentioned, I honestly think would’ve never happened, if you were in a better place. So like I said, I forgive you for all that you’ve done, and said. At some point in the future the family can come back together, and Lorraine can go back to being my aunt again. Until then, i will remain the man who lived a foolish life led by women who constantly had ulterior motives to everything that their lives touched. I’m out.